So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
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