So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
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