I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
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