Down for casual relationships, more fun than catholic missionary, bring condoms and don't get attached.
I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
Randomize
