Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
Randomize
