The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
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