In America we eat man semen.
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
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