So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
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