My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
Randomize