New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
Randomize
