do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
Randomize
