it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
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