I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
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