As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
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