my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
Randomize