I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
Little spoons don't ask big questions
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
Randomize
