i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
Randomize
