This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
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