My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
Randomize
