did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
Randomize
