Wow, you were right... Weed does start conversations
Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
Randomize
