found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
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