OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
Randomize
