I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Randomize