After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
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