im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
This beer is not sobering me up at all
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
Randomize
