Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
I suggest both. Please have sex with them and prepare notes for a final comparison.
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
Randomize
