Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
Randomize
