i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
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