after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
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