We're like a lot better than the average bears
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
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