ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
Randomize