i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
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