i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize