Is Jonathan Taylor Thomas a gay? I need you to google search it for me. Its important
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
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