guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
she's telling me all about the love triangles of her sims. you tell me how it's going.
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
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