She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
i find it depressing how it takes me longer to find a good video compared to the actual jacking off process.
i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
they're like a gay fantastic four
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
Randomize
