Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
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