I just spent the night with a bunch of indian guys and i wasn't attracted to a single one. Yeah i've officially become an anti-indian indian.
Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
Randomize
