he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
Man, jail baloney is awful.
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
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