There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
Randomize
