Tell her she can't have a vagina
I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
Randomize
