I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
cat food counts as protein by the way
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
Randomize
