I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Randomize
