I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
Randomize