...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
