i just snorted my name. best moment ever
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
Be still, my beating vagina.
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
Randomize
