dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
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