listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
Randomize
