A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
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