My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
Randomize
