dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
I just spread your mom's ashes with my new girlfriend. I wouldve waited for you to fly home but she was uncomfortable in the house with her remains there. I'll mail you the urn since u handpainted it.
YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND ALREADY!?! WTF WE JUST HAD HER FUNERAL 3 WEEKS AGO!!!!!!!!!!!!
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
Randomize
