2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
Randomize
