I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
Randomize
