how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
Randomize
