I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
Randomize
