this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
Randomize
