i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
Randomize
