forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
Randomize
