she was so not down for the gang bang
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
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