Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
Randomize
