this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
Randomize
