i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
Randomize
