Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
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