let's makeout let's makeout let's make out let's make out
sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
Randomize
