Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
im having a threesome with these popsicles
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
Less talking, more tequila
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
Randomize
