AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
Randomize
