Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
For a limited time only, free special muffin with the referral of a loyal dro customer! Have it for breakfast and be happy off your ass all day! Guaranteed! New member must buy at least an eighth. Oh and O's are on sale for 280.
You. Win. At. Life.
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
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