we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
singing on the bus should be illegal
huh?
There's a group of like 8 white people in the back of the bus harmonizing to sugar we're going down
Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
Randomize