Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
Randomize
