They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
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