Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
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