i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Randomize
