Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
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