you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Randomize