you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
Randomize
