My first STD was from a foam party
I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
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