Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
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