You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
Randomize
