We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
But he was like 75 and lives right near mom and dad. Not a threat at all.
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
What a dumb baby whore.
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
Randomize
