Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
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