did he really ask u insert a warm banna in ur anal?
just throwing this out there: period starts tomorrow sooo either sex tonight or not until tues/weds.
i get a bj anyways so it's really your choice.
k i'll be over in 5.
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
I take back everything I said about communal showers
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
Randomize
