saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
3pm strippers are depressing
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
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