Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
they need to just BURY HIM!
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
Randomize
