She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
Randomize
