Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
I miss vodka workout Fridays
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
Randomize
