You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
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