I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
Randomize
