Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
