First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
Randomize
