Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
Randomize
