This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
It was beautiful and filled the audience with hope for the future. :3 I wish I could speak more but sleep werk nighty
I asked how you were doing?
Randomize
