whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
Randomize
